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The Thief of Many Lives © Kathleen Houghton --- Alaska
CFS-MCS Association 1996 *Revised 2002. With Permission from Kathleen Houghton
I am constantly on the prowl in search of new victims.
I do not discriminate; health care workers, teachers, students, airline personnel, teens, moms, dads, and innocent children
are my prey. If you are dynamic and have a
lust for life, I will seek you out, and I will find you.
Just when you are at the peak of your endeavors, climbing
that careerladder or building your family and home, I will find you. There is nothing that you have in your life today that
I am not capable of destroying tomorrow, your career, your education, your goals, your dreams, your family, and your life. I will have it all. I will strip you of
your ability to function at any level above minimal, and from this day on you will refer to that minimal as a "good day."
I have the ability to create an invalid out of you overnight, and I will. It will take a marathon effort for you just to get
out of bed. At a cellular level your immune system will be in a constant war battling itself and unnamed viruses, which will
painfully be replicating in your brain. I promise you, I will bring you despair along with pain, isolation and losses far
beyond what you can ever imagine. Your mind will be in a constant "fogged" state, your expression will be unable to express,
and your eyes will have a noticeable "glazed over/drugged out" look. You will find it most difficult to pay attention, concentrate,
or even process the simplest of thoughts. Making change from a dollar may well be beyond your ability now. Your mouth may
feel like it is full of marbles when you try to speak, as your tongue twists and nothing you try to say comes out right. Who
would believe your level of education when you can't even string enough words together to make a complete sentence ... or
one that makes any sense for that matter. I promise, I will bring you at any unsuspecting time, severe abdominal pain,
nausea, vomiting and diarrhea along with a host of gastro-intestinal disorders. I will make you weak and lifeless as one could
be without being confirmed dead. You will be housebound or in bed for several years if not the rest of your life. As part
of incapacitating you, I will make your heart race and your head pound; your throat will constantly be sore and your lymph
glands will swell. That will all seem trivial after I inflame and spasm muscles throughout your body. Crushing a grape between
your fingers may take too much energy or be too painful now.
On those nights that I allow you to sleep, you will awaken
drenched with sweat or throbbing with pain. Perhaps I might even throw in a little seizure activity. On those nights that
I do not allow sleep to occur; I will torture you with thoughts of death; not suicide, but death. Simply because you have
not come to realize that this is your new life, and that you are not living. You will need to re-create your being every day,
as every day I will bring you unpredicted symptoms and suffering.
I have also done a few things that you may not be
aware of yet. I placed some lesions on your brain (have you noticed how you have difficulty with balance and memory yet?)
and I have permanently altered your immune system. I have shorted out your nervous system so that you have intermittent numbness
and tingling, which might resemble an electrical current zapping you from time to time. This is called neuropathy. Nope, it's
not curable either!
Now I have you. I have taken over your body and mind. I have stolen your life but left you alive,
not very functional, but by clinical definition you are still alive.
Your family will not be able to give you all the
constant care that you need on a daily basis. As for your friends, well, they're still on that ladder climbing up. Rest assured,
I am looking for them too. By now, chances are good that most of your family and friends have abandoned you, so you must have
learned the definition of isolation. This newfound isolation will save you from having to explain how sick you really are
to others, they won't understand anyway. Isolation will save you all that energy. Your health insurance has already been or
will shortly be discontinued as you lost your job from not being able to keep up. Perhaps you got caught dozing off or called
in sick one too many times. Nowthat you are no longer employable or insurable, when you seek medical care, any medical professional
that figures me out will diagnose you and say that what you have is presently not curable.
Now it is time for you to
seek out medical care, nation if not worldwide. However, most so called medical professionals will not even have the ability
to recognize me when they see me, as they have not learned about me in medical school. So, chances are good that you will
be misdiagnosed. You will give more blood samples and have more examinations than you ever imagined existed. Then you can
take the results to dozens of doctors in search of a diagnosis. One that is valid as well as socially and medically acceptable.
One that does not label you as depressed or say that "it is all in your head!!!" Most doctors will suggest a vacation, weight
loss diet, new or increased love life, help with the children, or change of scenery as the "cure," mainly because you may
look like the picture of health. This is my mask of deception. You will pray for a positive word from current research. Research, which you will soon
learn, is quite limited due to lack of funding and government support. You will learn new vocabulary which contains words
like: T-Cells, Cytokines, Nuclear Antigens, Natural Killer Cells, Immunoglobulins, Cytomegalovirus, Seratonin, Cerebral lesions,
and Immune Dysfunction are among a few. However the most important words that you will need to know and fight for are Social
Security Disability and Medicare.
At one point I may give you a false sense of recovery or remission. Let me assure
you, I will be back, as you are my prisoner and that makes me your keeper. I have placed the lives of millions of people nationwide
in limbo, I continue to do the same world wide. I would consider this an epidemic, wouldn't you?
Eventually I will
bring the government, health care workers, and society to its knees in search of unraveling my complexities, which are crippling
humanity. I leave it up to you, my victims, and your caretakers, to educate the public and let them know that I am very real
and that you are very sick. Unfortunately, I have been given a totally ridiculous name, which will make your job even more
difficult. Until that name is changed, I am. CHRONIC FATIGUE AND IMMUNE DYSFUNCTION SYNDROME
Kathleen Houghton, author of The Thief of Many Lives was
a professional healthcare worker dedicating many years to Pediatric Special Care nursing before CFS put her life on hold at
the age of 36. She continues to be ill and is mostly housebound with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) as well as CFS. When
able she promotes CFS and MCS Awareness through accurate information and education. cfs-mcs@gci.net
"Just one little person, doing one little thing, to help solve one HUGE problem!"
Until you
read "The Thief of Many Lives" you too may have questioned the validity of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as a
real illness. It is VERY real, especially for us the sufferers and our caregivers. The credibility and validity of this disease
has long been a most difficult message to convey to our Government, Physicians, Healthcare Professionals, friends, families
and general public. What makes this even more challenging than how we might physically appear is the inappropriate name
given to such a serious and debilitating disease. Consequently, one of the worse things someone can say to a person with CFS
is how well we look on a particular day... we must be feeling "better" ... "better" than what? Death? Unfortunately, CFS victims generally
do not feel better than death... warmed over or otherwise! Lengths of time go by, months, seasons, and then years when
all of our reserved energy is used simply to eat and breathe and those are the “good” days. Unfortunately, not
many see this, as most people with CFS are left to suffer behind closed doors. Unexplainably, our cries for awareness,
and validity continue to fall upon deaf ears. WAKE UP AMERICA (or other country)!!! CFS is at epidemic proportions
destroying lives and affecting millions of people worldwide.
May 12th is International CFS Awareness
Day. Please make your voice be heard. Inform others about the tragic impact this illness is having on you, your loved one
and our nation (your country).
BE AWARE OR BEWARE… As you could be writing this letter from your bed next May 12th.
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